Et voilà, comme promis votre félinité adorée vous pond un nouvel article sans aucun intérêt pour la couche d'ozone ou encore l'économie mondiale, bref : un article 100% futile made in Spectrochat, sujet maintes et maintes fois réchauffé, à savoir le Boyfriend ultime, celui pour qui nous bavons toutes en secret sans l'avoir sous la main. Alors là deux possibilités, soit vous avez un BF sous la main, soit comme moi, Thomas O'Malley vous a préféré Duchesse et ses chatons et vous vous retrouvez telle le Garfield moyen à manger des lasagnes-pot de pâte de spéculoos-glace Ben&Jerry à la vanille et aux cookies. Bref. Faisons un petit tour d'horizon du BF Ultime.
Le Bad Boy
Tatoué de préférence, se baladant torse nu à la maison et portant du cuir, le Bad Boy ou le "Rebel" est un vilain garçon qui écoute du rock et vénère sa guitare ainsi que son perfecto. Alors oui on pense à Danny dans Grease et à sa bande, les T-Birds, et tout de suite malgré le puissant déhanché de Travolta, ça fait un peu ringard. Alors on se concentre plutôt sur le mignon, craquant et couvert de cambouis Jackson "Jax" Teller dans Sons of Anarchy joué par Charlie Hunnam. Avec sa dégaine à la Kurt Cobain, sa superbe mécanique (je parle de sa moto mais enfin le reste est superbe aussi) et son rapport quelque peu déviant avec l'autorité, on dit banco ! Parce que même s'il joue les vilains à l'extérieur, il doit être adorable n'est ce pas ? une fois rentré à la maison. Eh bien désolée de casser le mythe mais après une étude totalement sérieuse (et subjective), j'en arrive à la conclusion suivante. Êtes-vous prêtes mesdemoiselles à vivre selon les envies et les lubies de monsieur ? A accepter qu'il rentre en sentant l'essence, la sueur (oui là effectivement ça peut être sexy) et qu'il soit couvert de cambouis ? A acquiescer à ses délires capillaires "regarde baby j'me suis fait une crête ! -c'est bien mon chéri, tu es le roi de la basse cour maintenant... c'est quand que ça va repousser sur les côtés ?" A aller le chercher au poste de police parce qu'il a ENCORE BU TROP DE BIÈRES ET BORDEL ON T'A DÉJÀ DIT QUE DE SE SOULAGER LA VESSIE DANS UNE FONTAINE C'ÉTAIT MAL ! A supporter qu'il vous trompe avec sa sacro-sainte bécane ?
Moi je dis NON ! Hors de question. Pas envie de le massacrer à coups de guitare parce que j'en ai marre d'écouter du rock et que d'abord Lady Gaga c'est bien aussi et absolument indispensable à mon quart d'heure pif paf pouffe ! Et puis il y a plus romantique qu'une balade sur sa bécane d'enfer absolument pas écolo et puis en plus je n'aime pas la vitesse, je vais mourir, j'aurais dû rester à la maison pour regarder un film de Woody Allen d'abord !
Alors oui au Bad Boy, au Rebel BF mais à petite dose, cela dit niveau goûts musicaux je n'ai absolument rien à lui reprocher ! Yeah !
Le Poète
Romantique, attentionné et plus doux qu'un foulard en soie, voici le poète. Il vous dédiera des poèmes, vous fera des bons petits plats. Doux comme un agneau, calme comme un gamin sous calmant, voilà un BF qui n'est que... eh bien oui douceur. Et c'est là que le bât blesse. Personnellement ça va bien cinq minutes les clowneries romantiques. Mais après deux semaines de soirées aux chandelles, après avoir brûlé les rideaux de maman avec et mangé des plats minimalistes aux noms grandiloquents, tout ça pour UN PETIT POIS FARCI ! moi je ne rêve que d'une chose : une soirée bière-raclette avec une bande de punks, du rock et un concours de rots à la clé. Non parce que, être une princesse délicate que l'on courtise galamment c'est bien. Mais usant. Vous n'imaginez pas les efforts que nous les filles devons déployer pour paraître toujours fraîches, belles et délicates. Et puis porter des robes à froufrous c'est vraiment pas mon truc, je laisse ça aux filles qui assument totalement.
Et je ne vous parle même pas de la galère monumentale qui vous attend à jouer les psys parce que votre BF poète est en pleine période Baudelaire-je-déprime-mais-c'est-classe. En bref, le poète réveille surtout la femme/le félin des cavernes en nous après une courte apparition de la princesse. Et ça c'est pas glamour du tout.
Le Geek
Ah le geek ! Spécimen follement intéressant et particulièrement en phase avec le Spectrochat moyen. Accro à son ordinateur qu'il bichonne tout particulièrement, incollable sur les nouvelles technologies et le Seigneur des Anneaux, on peut avoir avec lui de grosses conversations sur les lacunes impardonnables de l'adaptation de Peter Jackson (et il est où Tom Bombadil hein ?!) et jouer à WOW sans se sentir coupable. Le problème arrive quand il décide de faire une soirée Donjons et Dragons et que malgré tous vos efforts vous n'arrivez pas bien à cerner les subtilités d'un tel jeu de rôle. Notamment au niveau des compétences, personnellement j'ai mieux à faire que de connaître par coeur les qualités requises pour devenir un parfait archer, je fais un prêtre nain, voilà. D'ailleurs j'ai mon vernis à ongles qui m'appelle là, bizarre non ?
Et encore s'il ne fait pas une conférence Star Wars chez vous... vous aurez échappé au pire, moi ça ne me tente que très moyennement de voir Chewbacca vider mon frigo. Mais le geek sauvera le monde ! Croyez moi vous serez bien contente d'être avec lui lors d'une invasion de zombie ! Alors on lui pardonne et on va lui mettre une raclée sur WOW parce qu'on l'aime et que parce qu'il est tellement occupé par son ordi qu'on peut aller faire les soldes avec les copines sans qu'il s'en rende compte.
Le Super-Héros
Alors là c'est du lourd. Qui n'a pas rêvé un jour de finir dans les bras d'Iron Man ou de Wolverine (gniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii !) ? Je ne cite pas un certain Mr S qui se balade avec un slip par dessus son collant hein ! Non je parle du super-héros, le vrai, le viril qui provoque des montées affolantes d'oestrogène et qui fait exploser le thermomètre tandis que nous pauvres créatures en mal de mâles, nous nous noyons pathétiquement dans notre bave. Le Super-Héros est forcément canon, plein de testostérone et hypra-super-giga-méga fort pour tataner les méchants qui en veulent à notre vernis à ongles ou tout simplement dominer le monde. Évidemment c'est tentant d'être la chérie du sauveur du monde. Sauf que ce genre de type c'est le genre à vous quitter en plein milieu d'un super câlin parce qu'un super méchant a décidé de détruire la ville. On s'en fiche chéri, nous on vit à la campagne dans une maison écologique qui se suffit à elle-même ! Et on a même un abri nucléaire ! Mais non, monsieur est trop généreux pour laisser le monde gentiment se faire détruire et préfère vous laisser toute seule sous les froides couvertures.
Et puis un super vilain pourrait avoir envie de vous kidnapper et de vous tremper dans un bain d'acide. Franchement, je serais prête à retourner ma veste si ça pouvait me sauver la vie. Eh ! Amoureuse oui, stupide et suicidaire non ! Et en y repensant bien... si ça se trouve... nos supers-héros sont peut être de vraies chochottes dans l'intimité ! "Aaaaaaah ! Chériiiiie ! J'me suis coupé avec une feuille ! -Mais enfin poussin, tu t'es fait éventré hier et tu me fais une comédie pas possible pour une toute petite plaie de rien du tout ?"
Ou alors ce sont de supers-feignants qui ne vous aideraient même pas à faire le ménage sous prétexte qu'ils ont sauvé le monde trois fois cette semaine.
Qu'il soit d'une catégorie ou d'une autre, la qualité principale du BF est qu'il doit être imparfait. Car nous ne sommes pas des Wonder Women ou des princesses à la classe irréprochable. Finalement l'important est qu'il nous supporte non ?
Spectrochat qui cherche le BF Ultime
et est ce soir d'humeur philosophique
Et on a même un abri nucléaire ! Mais non, monsieur est trop généreux pour laisser le monde gentiment se faire détruire et préfère vous laisser toute seule sous les froides couvertures.
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